TMG WEDDING CUSTOMS

                                      WEDDING DAY MORNING

                               Kashi Yathra and Gowri Hara.

  For Kashi Yathra :
  The things to be bought by the bride's side ---- One pair dhothie which is to be given to the Priest to be  dyed Yellow with Haldi. 
One Umbrella, Walking Stick, Pair of Chappals  and Vijna(hand Fan) .

The groom is given the yellow robes to wear and is dressed traditionally. He will carry the the walking stick, and hold the vijna( hand fan). The groom has to  wear ear-rings made of flour. The bride's brother or cousin hold the umbrella over his head.
The groom goes out where he is met by the bride's father. Symbolically, the priest in sanskrit makes the groom declare that he is going away to Kashi.
The bride's father then asks him not to go to Kashi, but will give his daughter in marriage to him  as a companion to face the challenges of life ( This is all said by way of Mantras by the Purohith).
The boy then comes back and is made to sit on a chair and his feet placed in Thambal , (Plate). The mother  of the bride pours the water and the father washes his feet and he is brought in.
Then a  Homa is performed to  change the Sacred Thread which till now will be that of a Bramachari which is three threads and in future he will be  a Samsari (Family man) and so will have to wear six threads.

                                                Gowri  Puja and Mangalya Dharana.

PREPARATION FOR GOWRI PUJA:
   Near the Gowri is kept 10 Soop Vaans(maradha bagina), 5  from each side ( bride's and groom's). There is a custom that one soop vaan is given to the Grooms mother in Karnataka side. This custom is not there in Tanjore side. After the wedding , the bride is made to give this to her mother and elderly Savashnis. In the soop vaan given to the mother, a pair of silver toe-rings and  bottu has to be added along with the rest of the soop vaan samaan.If possible these can be put in all the soop vaans.

For Gowri puja, a place , where the bride can sit comfortably to pray is selected. A picture of  Shiva  with Parvathi sitting on his lap under a huge tree is kept . In the four corners decorative pots are kept one on top of other. These can be clay or Bell metal or wood as this is for Alankar. The Priest then will tie  thread around these pots. A  Sami ( kutthuvilakku) and Lamps are also kept with Haldhi Kunku, Gandha, Mantrakshitha,  Pyalas, Geja Vastra and flowers. Please do use only  Malli (jasmine), Rose , Sevanthi(marigold)and such sweet smelling Flowers.
In the front is kept a GOWRI, made with Haldhi powder ie like  a  cone. Make this quite big as the girl has to keep putting flowers and haldhi kunku on thei Gowri. This Haldhi Gowri is kept on  Choli piece folded in a special way.
To fold the choli: Fold into four and on the two sides, fold down into a triangle.

Two lamps and a big Akhand is made of  maidha flour and Haldhi and are kept on the either side. Mix all purpose flour ( maida) with some haldi and make into a dough. Shape this dough into two diva  and a Akhand . This Akhand should be made quite big and the Vathi  should also be fairly big .
 It is said, the Wick for this Peetach Diva must be as  long as the Brides height. Of-course this is not possible, as today's girls, are not 4/5 years as it was, when the  rules were written.
 This akhand is placed on the right side of the Gowri. These Peetach Divas are in addition to the usual silver Akhand and Divas which are also kept. An arathi  plate divas are also placed for the  Bride to do Arathi. The Gowri etc should be placed on a plank and rangoli in the front of the plank. A plank for the Bride to sit on.

  The Bride s hair is  made into a plait and flowers put. In some places they tie what is called a LIMBUCH DHANDA on   both sides of the forehead. The  small lemons are  woven on to the ends of a string of Mogra flowers. This,some say is to ward off evil eyes and some say this will enable the girl to see the Groom, without anyone noticing it!!

PROCEDURE FOR GOWRI PUJA:
  The Bride's mother should apply Haldhi Kunku, and flowers to the Bride .and brings her to the  place where the Gowri has been arranged . She will then instruct her on  how to to perform the puja.
First Ganesha is worshiped. From the time the Bride sits for puja she should not TALK, she should be  performing puja and silently praying to Gowri. It is very important that the puja is performed in silence ( mouna) by the bride.
 Just before the  time of Muhurtha, the Groom's mother will bring the Wedding sari, the Mangalya Haldhi Kunku and  a Garland. The Groom's mother will perform puja to the Gowri and Apply Haldhi Kunku to the Bride and present the sari and leave. Then the Maternal Uncle of the Bride will have to take her to the wedding Pandal (The Uncle should lead the Bride).
 At the Pandal  the purohiths will , already be holding the ANTHRPAT ,(this is curtain between the boy and  girl).The girls is thus led by her uncle ( mama) to one side of the pandal where the groom cannot see her. Both the Bride  and Groom stand on either side of the Antharpat with their respective parents  on either side of them. Both will be given a little Jaggery and jeera in their hands. The Purohiths and the ladies will recite the MANGALA ASHTAKA. This is to invite the  Gods and Devathas and the river godesses and  Saptharishis to come and bless the couple.
This is another beautiful function where the ladies will sing the songs inviting the gods and goddesses to come and bless the couple along with the priests singing " saava dhaan".
After this the Anthara pata is removed and the couple will  sprinkle the jaggery/jeera mix on each other.  (The proper way is -- the Groom will have to put the mix on the brides head and the girl on grooms feet or  stomach ).After this  is the Kankana.

KANKANA

,is Five couple from each side  the bride and grooms party are made to  sit or stand and given  a two balls of thread soaked is milk to go around  the all the couple with the bride and groom sitting in middle, after some specified rounds , the purohiths will  take it and make two separate  string to which a haldhi stick is tied. This the Groom will tie around the Brides right hand wrist and the bride will tie it around  the Grooms right hand wrist, This is called the KANKAN . While this is going on one person  will takethe both the Mangalays placed on a coconut in a plate for every one to bless the Mangalyas.  After this is Kanaya Dhana The Brides two  palms are placed in the Grooms palms with a coconut a Sampushta with a Saligrama , Krishna idol and a coin and Tulasi  leaf and the parents pour GANGA water to give  away their daughter to the Groom.
 After  this the  Groom ties ,   BOTH MANGALYAS  he has to tie THREE knots,After  this  the elderly Savashnis and Both the Brides and
Grooms mother will tie one knot each.
 next the Bride and Groom exchange garlands etc as instructed by the Purohith.
 From the time of tying the KANKAN  , the Bride or the Groom should not Do Namaskar to anyone  nor even shake hands , as till this is removed they are considered Laksmi Narayan.
     for the Newly Weds and their parents, instead of lunch they have , only PALAHAR . Any item given to them  will be without  KARKAT (MUSARE).
      They will given Pohe,  kheer Sweets etc. five big banana leaves are spread and over that the two plates for the Bride and Groom are placed.

   





  After this the exchange of garlands and Laja Homa.In this a brother invokes Agni
 to be witness to his sisters marriage and this Homa for which  Agni is given Laahe  with cows ghee.
 The Lahe is given to the by the brother, as women have cant do the homa , the husband holds her hands and offers the Lahe to  Agni. The Brides prayer to Agni is, let the husband have long life, give success , well being of relatives and above let there be understanding between us.This is called AGNI -AUPASANA.  After this the groom puts the toe rings on the brides second toe. Then  a VATACH DHONDA (ARAYOKALLU) is kept  and the Brides right  foot, big toe is placed and the  husband holds the big toe and moves it seven times  as the purohiths  chant  Mantras, whicch means that  the couple
 should have  a Stanch mind ,make adjustments  and give  and take in all the  good and bad times.
 Next is  SAPTHA PADHI The Seven steps around the  AGNI. for each the  Grooms Prayer ,
  1) Bear with me  and walk with SAMARTHYA
  2)Let there food in plenty.
  3) Let there be prosperity
  4) Let  us achieve  all that we want and be happy..
  5) Let there be children.
  6)  In all seasons let there be BHOGA and BHAGYA.
  7) Let there be love and trust and affection  between us.
    The translation is made the best of my ability. Translating Kanada into English is tough.
     SINDUPU.
In this function, the parents of the Bride, the Brides Maternal unckle , Kalas githi and the  Bride and groom  take part.Two plates are are kept like one plate covers the other and is tied together tightly and over this a Diva made with wheat flour, haldhi which is mixed into a stiff dough and shaped into a bowl in which a  wick soaked in ghee is placed , and the Brides mother wearing the Sari presented to her for this ac- cation will have to make Ring with choli, to be put on head , then five savashni will put the lighted Dough diva on the plate on her head.with this on her head, the Brides  Father and Mother , with her brother holding a knife on which a lime has been  placed, holds this knife over the lighted lamp so a soot will gather on it, followed by the newly wed , and the Kalasgithi will sprinkle water ahead of them. Like this  they have to go arround the Homa kund, where the Laja Homa was performed three times. Then after the the Plate with the diva is put down and RAKSHA is applied  on the newly wed couples forehead. After this the couple are  taken out and shown the  the star Arundhathi, wife of Sage Vashista, who was a Pathivratha. Giving the couple to be stead fast in their devotion to each other like Sage Vashishta and Arundhathi.
     Nagavalli.
   The mother in law presents the bride with a 9 yards sari and helps her wear it too. and brings her  to wear the sari  and brings her the wedding platform where decorated   mud pots are arranged on the four sides.Two pots one over the other with a lid on all the  four sides with a tread around them.
In this a small ritual is conducted to  make the couple aware of the responsibilities they will have to face , in their married life
  After this ritual the girl is officially handed over to, first the grooms parents , then to any elderly  relative or relatives like the grooms paternal uncle or elder brother . Lastly to the Groom.
   Then the Newly weds are taken to  the place the grooms party has been staying for Grahapravesh of the  Bride.She will be accompanied by her parents siblings and relatives. The bride will be helped by her new mother in law to perform Lakshmi Puja in her new home.
 At this time all the  guests are given some refreshments and coffee and  gifts to the the brides parents etc. The Bride is left at the grooms place.
  This officially  is the end of the wedding ceremony. Reception   has been come into practice in the last few years and needs no mention here..
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     Lately the marriage rituals are taken lightly and receptions are held before the wedding on the previous day itself , though we all know  that receptions are held, in western country's is only after the wedding.
    Our family Purohith , the Late Sri Krishna Murthy Sharma  of Chennai, once told  me that , this should not be done  as the   Bride and Groom  invariably exchange  Garland and Rings to be photographed , which  should be  done ONLY at the prescribed GOOD TIME  on the day of the wedding. I have written the  Tanjore Marathi and Madhwa wedding ritual  procedure to the best of my ability so that the Bide and groom who do read this will be aware of the meanings of  some of the promises that are made  at the time of the wedding
    Lastly  My request to all who read this is try to make your marriages a success by being understanding , adjusting , and seeing the others point of view. In a marriage there is NO winning or losing,  Its just plain give and take.
   The house the newly weds make should become a home which is welcoming and comfortable and  there should be no place for bickering.
    In a marriage TRUST is very  essential.Whatever the problem it can be solved by being open and frank talk by the couple  be it a personal problem or the the problems that come while the children are growing up or In Law  problems. A home is like a cart where both the  wheels will make the journey smooth .
   Both Partners have a role in making the journey together smooth and happy, the Women plays a large role to make the journey happy  and comfortable .
  The  new trend  with some  youngsters is, they dont want the parents to stay with them. Parents have years of experience which is and will be valuable to the newly married. If both the  Newly weds think of their in laws as PARENTS , thinks will work out well.
  Brides, educated are as you are all , do give a margin for a little Maternal Jealousy which will, with time
 go away, the more the new wife shows she OWNS the  son, more the resistance. Be understanding, and open in your relationship and treat both  set of Parents alike.
  Parents in law, the daughter in law is also  to be treated as a daughter, the mother in law should understand that the  new bride has left all her kith and kin and come to new house  where, every thing will be new. so try to be kind.  Nothing  should be said against her parents, after all its her parents  with whom she has lived for so many years, Be  kind to her and it will pay off.
 If at all , problems do crop up, serious one's, Do  take the advice of a elderly person and guidance. Please dont jump to DIVORCE, this not our culture at all.Love , understanding, patience can  win many a battle.